P.A.L.S.: Health Update

I really hope I didn't bore you all with my recent "litanny".

I wasn't feeling so sure of things and just felt that posting it all to my blog would help to "lighten the load" I suppose.

So much happens in such quick succession to lots of people - not just me - it's very hard to keep picking yourself up and dusting yourself down the whole time - and keep on going. The "pilot light" is bound to fizzle out eventually.

I think my "pilot light" went out the day that Catherine was killed. It was the final blow - after so many that came before.

And I'm convinced that all the stress and then the terrible grief for my daughter, is responsible for the cancer that crept up on me so quickly and sneaky.

I've just completed the 3rd of 4 cycles of chemo. (It's a 3-day stay in hospital every 21 days). On my 2nd day (last Saturday), I got the unbelievable but much welcome news that the primary tumour in my lung has dissolved and that a CT Scan will confirm (or otherwise) that the mass behind the breastbone, has followed suit.

When the chemo is over, then I have to have radiotherapy - this is something else that I know very little about, but will have to learn as I go.

All the prayers, good wishes and thoughts from so many friends, acquaintances, family, and people I haven't even met, have helped me so much.

Catherine's influence over this turn of events is overwhelmingly evident to me, because of all the beautiful butterflies that have been surrounding me. Twice in one day, a butterfly literally circled me as I was about to get in to my friend's car, and I'm never, ever short of beautiful butterflies to marvel at - no matter where I go. I still think she'd want me to be the "fighter".

And Catherine is so persuasive in the loveliest way, that God couldn't possibly turn a deaf ear to her. She can be very persistent too!

"I’m sure Catherine would be very upset with me to say the very least, if I were to “Give Up” – and I have no intention now, of doing that. She would want me to be my usual self – “a fighter”."

That is what I said on my last page, and now that I've been given that "reprieve" I just hope I'll be able to regain some strength and energy to do whatever needs to be done.

I've been rambling on here - not making very much sense again. Random thoughts ending up in print.