P.A.L.S.

Hi Everyone,

Having a bit of difficulty "winding down" tonight, should've been asleep hours ago, so I thought I'd have another go at tidying this blog of mine up a bit. I must have quite a few people a bit confused with the way it is at the moment, but I'm still only a learner, so I beg for your patience - any hints or tips would be most welcome though, because the sooner I have this thing sorted to my satisfaction, the sooner I can start talking about the really important things - things that have happened over the last two and a half years since Catherine's death, and then go on to tell you all about her and what a character she was.

At present I'm in the process of drafting a letter to the Road Safety Authority. This is the first of a long list of letters I intend to write, and if I have to write to the President herself - then so be it - I will.

I'm usually a very quiet person who only wants peace in my life, but as far as the circumstances of Catherine's death are concerned, I am not going to stay quiet. I want justice for my child, and if I can't physically verbalise my concerns then I'll have to get the big wheel turning through my letters.

That's all I'll say for now. I must keep practicing the layouts etc on this blog so that it's more presentable to you, the people who have suffered as much as me and my family have. So I'll sign off for now, and try and get some sleep.

Goodnight everyone, and I do hope that some of you will make contact with me whenever you feel ready.

Hi everyone,

Sorry for taking so long in getting back to you. As I said before, I'm very new to all this and maybe I just need the odd push in the right direction now and again.

Well, Christmas is just around the corner, and I still don't have the heart for it. I still put a little Christmas tree up with a few lights on it, as a memorial to Catherine. She always used to be "in charge" of the Christmas tree, because she didn't have the patience to wait for us to do it!!

I miss her so much, yet there are times when I still think it's all a dream, that it's not real.

She was such a character! A natural-born comedienne who'd make even the stones laugh!! But she also had a very serious side - she thought and felt very deeply - and loved very deeply. I feel so very privileged to have had her undying, unconditional love.

She wrote me a poem for Mother's Day 2006, and wrote a little note with it. I'd like to share it with you:

One woman in my life,
My best friend,
No matter what,
It doesn’t differ.

The clothes I wear,
My looks,
My personality,
My ideas.

She’s my true diary,
Tell her my life,
My hopes,
My fears.

There for me,
Not an ill word,
Not anyone who could love me more,
No hurt.

She’s my life saver,
You tell me, I tell you,
That’s the way it is,
Share my secrets.

Tell her truth,
Tell her lies,
She won’t dis me
She has one huge heart.

I’m there,
Alive, living in her heart,
Knowing she loves me,
She carries me from my fears.

Sometimes she frustrates me,
But a lot of people do,
It’s the way I am,
Some people can’t face that.

But she does,
My humour,
My mood,
She survives.

Nobody in this world,
Is as important,
Nobody means,
As much.

My Idol,
My Woman,
My Love,
My Mammy !!!

Love you Mammy.
xxxxxx
xxxx
xx
x

And here's the little note she wrote to go with it:

Dear Mammy,

I know you’re going through a lot,
But I hope you feel
Better knowing how much
I love you!

Love you so so so
Much!

xxxxxxxx
xxxxxx
xxxx
xx
x

I love you this much!

At the top of the page you will see copies of the envelope, card (inside & outside), and her note in her own handwriting.

As any parent would, I worry about my children. I think from the day you know you're expecting a baby, that's the day you start worrying - and you never stop worrying until you close your eyes for ever - maybe even beyond that point.

In the last few months of Catherine's life I had an awful gut feeling about her safety. I could sense the danger, but couldn't identify it. I did everything I could to keep her safe, but I never knew about the driver of that car. You see, he was her boyfriend and I knew absolutely nothing about him. I've always felt that if I'd known about him, maybe there might've been something I could've done to prevent this terrible thing from happening.....but I'll never know that now.....it's done and I can't undo it. And my little darling will be forever 14.

I'll say cheerio for now, and hope to speak again soon.

Catherine's mum.